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A great and a good man

The more I watch Sherlock, the more I am convinced it is not quite about Sherlock becoming a good man.

Read more speculation about the "real" Sherlock plot...Collapse )

Sherlock starts as a "great man" and he is not (thank God!) a nice man. He is not "normal". And would you like him to be normal? Does "normal" equal "good"? Normal is always something that comes from the majority, are you sure, it is where we want to go? To be "great" is always to be one of a kind, trying to live up to own standards of morality and honesty, and to fail every so often, sadly. But still great people raise the standards for those around. For us. Being "great" defies being "nice" by definition, in my opinion.

(Just for the record, I think "nice" is sometimes useful but boring to no end and not honest very very often, being "normal", in the sense of being like everyone else, is destructive for my well-being and "good" is very far away from where I am now. But I do know a small circle of people who were and are good down to their core. And a lot of people who do good things and are good in certain situations. For me, being "good" means being honest to myself and never to act out of fear.)

I hated the drunken stag night scene. I could not understand the appeal of Sherlock, sharpest mind and beautiful character with the most delicious sense of humour (yes, I find Molly's morbid jokes really funny) made silly and not even handsome any more. I didn't see the appeal. Sherlock was not "human at last", as a lot of people pointed out, but a man intoxicated, not a man "vulnerable" but stripped. "A wasted opportunity", indeed. No, not in the sense of sex. I did not see the innuendo of John's proposal, I did not see any proposal at all, by the way. Is this how you would like to be proposed? You give up your life for this one person, you do everything to protect this person, the person, who is "the one" (friend? really? Sherlock is not anything but careful with his choice of words) in your life, who is about to marry someone else and then you are proposed by this person at their stag night with a knee grop? Really? Great sense of romantics, though. But back to the point of goodness.

The series starts with John suffering a nightmare. John is suffering, he is suicidal. You usually need years to heal and be content with yourself again. Throughout the series, John is not well. Up to Reichenbach Sherlock is his saviour, who gives him purpose and heals him, but even then John is not boyfriend material, sorry to point that out. He is therapist's or, if you wish, a broken hero material. S3 left everyone traumatised and shattered, let alone John.

We start, and look at it! It is the very first sequence of the whole series! We start with a doctor, who's chosen the army (a decent chance for being shot and get a nice trauma, no?), and is not able to cope with normal life. He finds a new battle field, which gives him a purpose, a home, financial support and lets him heal a bit. He is proud to be on Sherlock's side, he is more and more himself as he is meant to be. He is selfless when he offers his life for Sherlock's at the pool and trusts Sherlock with his life when the snipers come back.

He is Sherlock's friend. That's how he would describe himself. A good friend? Well, a good man should be a good friend, right? But yes, of course! He sticks to Sherlock! He doesn't leave his side. He protects him and navigates him through the ordeal of being nice in public. Shouldn't Sherlock be grateful?

Now, I tell you what left a sour taste when I watched s1 and s2. John is not really respectful to Sherlock. Don't build a guillotine for me yet, I've just started. John ridicules Sherlock in public. No, not in public, that's wrong. In front of the whole world there are those words to read, edged in stone, for the permanence of digital eternity, confirming how ignorant Sherlock is of certain things, how lonely he is and what a spectacular dick. Would you want to read things like that about you in your friend's blog? On Facebook, maybe? John doesn't ask, how Sherlock feels about those things on his blog or anything (yes, sometimes you have to ask twice), he is not able to listen to Sherlock, when Sherlock does tell him things ("Spock" during an emotional breakdown, really, John?), he does not see when Sherlock does things for him. I read so many times in fics that John makes tea for Sherlock, him being a caretaker. In the episodes I saw for numerous times Sherlock asking if John is hungry and giving him the opportunity to eat. Sherlock, not John, making tea for them both. (I skip the one coffee cup for now, ok?). And let me remind you of this - "Take my card". Just let me ask you, how many times exactly did you offer your card to anyone who is not close family? Someone unemployed you knew for couple of months, maybe?

But the thing that pains me most is that John puts Sherlock in a neat labelled box "he doesn't feel like that". Full stop. And this is so convenient for John, isn't it? To point out, your actions are not normal, so you are not normal = not good. John judges Sherlock, I very much assume he does not see him as good. And I am talking here about the "will caring help me save them?" thing. Who the fuck cares if the detective was crying while he solved a time-critical kidnapping? Or should he better take his time crying and get the victims killed? (Same logic in Sherlock's fall. Grieving John is better than no John. Simple mathematics.)

Even in Reichenbach Fall, where I feel the both men closest to each other, there were these heart-breaking moments between them. First, "I'll just be myself" in the car on the way to the court, "no one could be such an annoying dick all the time" (argh!!!!! The Hound and the "Spock" all over again!) and "you machine!". And Sherlock knows that he won't see John again. Sherlock knows exactly where John put him, which label John is serving now. And it works. And Sherlock knows that John does not or isn't able to see him as a real human being. Not because Sherlock isn't. He is. He cares. At least, he cares that John is safe and eats well. Sherlock knows he is not "normal" and he doesn't want to, he has enough self-confidence to be who he is. But John cannot take it. For whatever reasons (I really hope we will get that in the next episodes.)

Bare with me, we are now back to the goodness question. My assumption is, that this is John's character arc which we will hopefully see. It is John, who is yet to become a good man. His presumed normalcy and Sherlock's being so unique obscure John's character a lot. He is not good in the sense that I understand goodness. He is not honest to himself. He is not honest to the person closest to him. John is not well and he is not good. He is not good to himself. He is not good to Sherlock. He is not good to Mary-before-the-shot even. I want to see him good and well. For Sherlock.

This whole thing works under one presumption - that the writers know where they are going. There are two things that let me hope they do. One, is the "unaired pilot"-John ("whatever rocks your boat"). "I am his doctor"-Watson is my champion. The other one is Gatiss (was it Gatiss?) mentioning, that it would be so nice for the lead character in a detective show to come home and to be asked by his boyfriend "How was your day?" in the matter of fact kind of way, no emphasizes on queerness of the story. Sorry, if I got it all wrong, but this is practically my solid ground I walk upon. ;)

(For the record again, I saw a glimpse of Sherlock on youtube in November 2013, got hooked, got the DVDs, read tons of fanfiction "post-Reichenbach" and neatly stumbled into s3. I did not like John, actually. I arranged myself to like him after s1 and s2, because, well, Sherlock did, and their dynamics were so great. But s3? To rephrase, "I don't see love and I really don't see good.")

Does it mean, I see Sherlock as good? Well, actually, yes. He has this talent and he puts it to use brilliantly. But often he is not good to himself, but he has people he loves and cares deeply about. To the point of going through heartbreak, torture and death. That's good enough for me.

Study in Pink - John "damn my leg" Watson

I just realized, John is not questioning Sherlock's sexuality in those two scenes where he declines the "two or one bedroom" thing and "not his date". He rather feels himself questioned. As if he recently has been exposed, and not in a good way. We see Sherlock as gay (ambigous, not fitting the norm) from the beginning, but does John? Or does he feel, like his gay or rather bisexual nature is showing through, because he is tangling behind an attractive man? John is raw and suicidal, not very much self-esteem here, is there? He hates his weaknesses to be mentioned - "damn my leg". He sees his attraction to Sherlock and possibly to the other gender as a weakness.

Dark points of my existence
At some dark points of my existence I see John patting Sherlock’s shoulder (after he had lost it utterly) and then just calling Mycroft, telling him it’s a danger night and leaving him to his violin, alone. That is what he did with Irene, didn’t he? This is pure depression. I don’t get John. I really assume they never talked about the two years absense. Sherlock does not speak for himself, not about danger and fights, hurt or injuries. He even does not correct anyone if someone is wrong about him (like Mycroft about Janine in the bedroom). John would never ask, would he?

Then the baby thread… stings my innermost core; I utilized it by deciding that Mary is Sebastian Moran, and that the baby makes her untouchable. Still, messing with babies’ suffering is a no go for me regardless if it is John’s or not. So, leave it to the writers, they get paid for writing.

At Angelo's
At Angelo’s at AO3

John “finds it difficult, this kind of stuff”. He won’t make a long speech and talk to Sherlock. He won’t ask the questions and he won’t listen to the answers. But once…

Once when Sherlock will break down in front of him, because and solemnly because of him, he will start thinking. Once when all this painful, multilayered Mary-assassin-wife-mother-killer will be through, resolved, once John’s shoulders won’t hunch so visibly. He will breath again. And once he will start thinking.

Once the case will be over (Moriarty’s?), and John will remember he is the caretaker and will ask Sherlock “Dinner?”. And John will take Sherlock to Angelo. The good man will fuss around his boys as always. But he will remember very well the outburst he has witnessed not a long ago, when he has tried to put a candle on the table. Sherlock’s voice has raised and spited ” He is not my date!” So, Angelo won’t bring a candle, though it is a pity for both of them, isn’t it? But it is not his broth to cook, so he will give them a sad look between all the welcoming words. He will bring them the best wine he has kept for very special occasions and will ask them for their order. They will place it, Sherlock drumming his fingers on the table, looking at the street, looking sad, John smiling politely but tense. Angelo will turn on his way to the kitchen, when John will call him back. “Angelo? Will you please light the candle for us?”

Decades after Angelo will smile smugly, the wrinkles around his eyes will become deeper in delight, when he will remember the look on Sherlock’s face. Sherlock Holmes, speechless and smitten.


Dedicated to my favorite meta wtriters acafanmom, xistentialangst, mid0nz, loudest-subtext-in-television, ivyblossom

"Sherlock" season 3 - watching a gif show
I enjoyed the show. I laughed, I was close to tears, I took in every breath with the characters. But it left me utterly unsatisfied. I missed the cases, of course, I missed a proper reunion. But that was still fine, because instead I got Sherlock’s Mind Palace and the wedding speech.

It was John at the hospital after the shot, him shattered and overjoyed. John, again, at 221b letting the paramedics take his best friend. John at the wedding listening to the love declaration. Sherlock hugged by John. I saw the glimpses of those emotions. And now I watch gif images posted over the internet and read gygabytes of meta just to confirm what I saw

And this is the point. I want to watch a show on DVD. And instead I am watching gifs.

I like the way BBC Sherlock is filled with details, that are revealed only if you look closer (aka watch gifs). But those I missed - did they run out of time while editing or what? It was meant this way and this leaves me to my frustration. Goes to watch some more gifs

Принцесса Шакьямуни
У Будды не было детей. Вот хрен бы он вошёл в свой дзен, если бы ему пришлось укладывать детей спать. Или кормить. Или вытирать им носы от соплей. Или вынашивать, для начала. Словом, заботиться день за днём, ночь за ночью, своя жизнь ради новой жизни. Поэтому Будда - мужчина. И Христос, и Мухамед. Что бы ни произошло, ТАКИХ последствий, как орущий, голодный, новорожденный человек не будет. Можно начинать поиски дзена.


Первая часть, первая глава
Я вычитываю текст черепашьими шагами. Ограничила "публикацию" первой частью, первой главой, выложила здесь.

В прошлую выкладку мне очень повезло с рецензией в прозе.ру, и сейчас, надеюсь, эфемерная сеть откликнется. Сее-ээть, многоуважаемая, ау!

Читать прям тут:Collapse )

Править, править, и ещё раз править, как завещал великий Акунин
У меня привычка: мысленно проговаривать каждую фразу. Если она паршиво звучит, значит, и писать ее нельзя. 
Борис Акунин

Вот этим я и займусь. Прошло три месяца с последней правки текста книжки, достаточно времени, чтобы забыть детали и начать читать текст кусками, а не словами. Перечитывая первую часть, я начала спотыкаться. Как будто идёшь-идёшь, а потом раз - и выбоина, потом вроде опять дорожка, и снова бултых - лужа. 

Первая часть - в онлайне
Итак, долго метавшись, я выложила первую часть БТ (ещё раз, это Белый треугольник, не боле) на прозу.ру. Теперь у меня даже есть важный документ - "свидетельство о публикации" с синей печатью. А вот и ссылка:


Не знаю, насколько это правильно, выкладывать неотредактиврованые, сырые версии... Но, по крайней мере, я уверенна, что смысл первой части радикально менять не буду. Остальные запчасти романа выкладывать неотредактированными не подымается рука.